The blog has a new look thanks to my IT guy/domestic partner/boy toy. 😉

Thank you for putting so much time into the site where I write about water-delivery-men, cats, and things I can’t stand. The world obviously needed your efforts.

I’ve never read the highly-acclaimed book about love languages, but I think your work might qualify as an “act of service.” I did buy the love language book. I just couldn’t get past the first few pages because of the awful design. The white book cover with gold border (and matching gold strand for bookmark) was very prayerbook-esque and reminded me of my First Holy Communion. (Maybe I bought some sort of cheesy anniversary edition and should purchase a different version. I don’t know. None of this matters right now.)

I’ll admit that sometimes I take your constant presence for granted, especially when you get in my way en route to the bedroom from the kitchen and you’re walking at the pace of a (very lovely and intelligent) slug. But if I suddenly die in this house, the fact that you could alert someone right away is very comforting to me. I don’t know why this matters since I’d be dead anyway, but the visual of me crumpled up at the bottom of the stairs for weeks on end as Nugget slowly consumes my limp body is haunting. (Did this just get too dark? I’ll be honest it took a turn I didn’t see coming.)

If you weren’t here, who would stop me from putting metal dishes in the microwave? I know I might have a slight tendency to lash out or make excuses for why I’m never wrong (did you ever think that maybe this microwave is special and you can put metal in it), but I do value your opinions (even if sometimes you do that thing where you start telling before I start asking, which may or may not be considered mansplaining).

ANYWAY, I really appreciate your “acts of service” and I will continue to show you affection using my love language, which includes:

• Demanding hourly hugs

• Giving you a dirty look every time you burp (and I don’t mean dirty as in sexy. I mean dirty as in if you burp one more goddamn time I am going to freak. the fuck. out.)

• Asking if you want to feel my leg hair

• Asking if you want to feel the cyst on my leg that is hopefully benign

• Inventing nicknames for you that you can’t stand but that mark my words will catch on one day, Jubsy

• Kicking you in the night

God you are so freaking lucky to have me.

THANKS. ❤️