I listened to an acquaintance retell and revel in their high school experiences. He was the star quarterback. Although injuries prevented him from going pro (likely story), people urged him to never give up the game because of his immense talent. He got along with all of the kids in school and couldn’t decide what table to sit at for lunch because everyone wanted to be his friend. He slept through calculus and still managed to get A’s on the tests. And on and on…

Using some basic math skills, (I don’t even need to take calculus to figure this out and good thing, because guess what I didn’t) I can deduce that these supposedly real events occurred 25 to 30 years ago. I think in order to show others how it feels to listen to this, I will start bragging about things I achieved 25 to 30 years ago. “Oh my god, guys, at twelve months of age, I started walking, and let me tell you, all hell broke loose. My parents were so proud. And I was so fast, they had a hard time catching me! Also did you guys know I started holding a spoon by myself at 8 months? I mean, that’s pretty early. I can still do it to this day. Watch.”

It sounds kind of ridiculous, doesn’t it?

Please talk about new things so that I can stop feigning interest in the fact that you had a spoiler on your car and could open your locker in less than 15 seconds. Thank you, and I look forward to talking about things with you in the future, like maybe even things we did as recently as yesterday, or things we will do tomorrow.