I officially became a woman in the lighting section of a Lowe’s Home Improvement store. (No, sicko, I didn’t get my period there. Periods don’t signify anything. And I got my period many years prior in the grubby bathroom of a Don Pablo’s during a school trip with my Spanish class.* I’ve heard some schools actually travel to Spain. Not us. We drove the bright yellow school bus 45 minutes to a tex-mex restaurant for an “authentic dining experience.” The most authentic thing to me about the trip was not the taquitos, but the bloody murderscene-esque imagery in the second stall that is now burned into my memory. Okay I am going even further off topic now but you need to know this. I just looked up a Don Pablo’s menu to check that they did in fact have taquitos and ensure this story is factually sound. Good news- they did. My journalistic integrity remains high. But I also discovered that they offered something called a “Red River Salad,” meaning this rambling parenthetical has come full circle in the most fitting way I could have imagined and now we can move on.)

Even though we already had one, we went to Lowe’s to buy a new ceiling fan. Did our fan look like it was from the 1970s? Sure. But it worked. It spun round and round, flinging millions of dust particles into the air we breathe. It is my understanding that is the primary purpose of a fan. I didn’t expect to experience much emotion about purchasing a more aesthetically pleasing fan, but I can still feel the mix of excitement and anxiety I had as we approached the gleaming display. Knowing that we had the freedom and ability to get a discounted ceiling fan was for some reason proof to me that I had done it. I had made it. I’ve never felt like more of an adult.

There was something about looking up to the sky (or the exposed ductwork of the store…) on that day that made me realize the choices that exist in my life. A modern stainless steel airplane propeller? Sure! A fan shaped like a tropical leaf that belongs in a Florida home’s lanai? Great! A Springer 60-inch Bronze Indoor Downrod Ceiling Fan with Remote (12-Blade)? No, too expensive, but I appreciate that the option exists. It can all be yours if you have the patience to spend three hours assembling the stupid thing when you get home. (Or a partner who is way calmer than you who will volunteer as tribute. My job is usually standing at the bottom of the ladder and gathering the dropped items. I think scurrying around to pick up tiny fallen screws might be my superpower.)

I would recommend buying a discounted ceiling fan from Lowe’s Home Improvement if you have the choice. Hell I would recommend just standing underneath the glowing turbines on a Saturday afternoon. Think of it like watching the clouds go by. And despite my unfortunate situation there, I would recommend a trip to Don Pablo’s too if it were still possible. The best I can do is provide you with this less than enticing photo of the Red River Salad. (Yikes, looks like food photography for chain restaurants has significantly improved in recent years.)

*Have you never heard of Don Pablo’s? Well I would say Don Pablo’s was to Mexican food what Olive Garden is to Italian food. I guess the difference is that Olive Garden has better money managing skills, because Don Pablo’s filed for bankruptcy and is no longer in existence. Or maybe I’m being unfair and it was the proliferation of Chipotles and Qdobas that led to Don Pablo’s demise. I don’t know. I’m not here to judge the decisions of Don Pablo. R.I.P.