I always told myself I wouldn’t pull out the gray hairs. I wanted to just let it happen. To surrender. I wanted to embrace it, for one, but I’m also already spending a lot of time pulling hairs out of my face, concealing the dark circles under my eyes, shaving my armpits and legs, applying body lotions and facial moisturizers (and now serums are a thing?), conditioning my hair, tweezing my eyebrows out and then drawing them back on, and so on. I think taking the time to dye my hair, or even just to pluck out the gray ones, would be the last straw for me.

When I saw the first gray hair appear, I wasn’t upset. I was a little excited even. If I position my hair in a way so you can see this single strand, maybe I’ll get carded less. But as I began to see more strands change, I started to panic. Can I really go through with this? Is this what I want to do? This isn’t how I pictured it, mainly because my hair isn’t actually coming in gray at all. It’s coming in white. So instead of looking like Stacy London with her signature gray streak, there is a definite Mrs. Claus vibe emerging. Is there a Mrs. Claus look-a-like competition in my future? Maybe I should stop wearing red. Or maybe I should lean into this and buy one of those bonnet things. Everyone’s always talking about how great it is to have a side hustle. These thoughts might seem like an over-reaction, but I just felt like I missed a step. I imagined myself seamlessly transitioning from brown to gray to (eventually) white, but now I am thinking we are going straight to white. I can’t help but feel like we’re skipping second base here.

It isn’t easy for women to let the gray (or white) hair grow. It’s not fair that men with gray hair are deemed silver foxes and women with gray hair are seen as witches. It isn’t fair that gray hair on a man makes him seem older and more distinguished, and gray hair on a woman makes her seem… well… just plain old. It’s one of the many areas where a frustrating double standard exists.

But at the same time, women who decide to have jet black hair at age 60 shouldn’t be shamed either. WE should choose what we get to do with our hair. Our skin. Our entire bodies. We should not feel pressured by outside forces to fit into some sort of mold. A mold that we didn’t even have a hand in creating. A mold that strips us of our individuality. We deserve options. We deserve to choose what is most authentic for us. So if that’s touching up your roots on your deathbed, I say go for it. We should be able to make our own decisions without judgment. Judgment from other people, and also judgment from ourselves.

There is something beautiful in embracing the natural, which I plan to do, even if people do mistake me for Bamm-Bamm Rubble from The Flintstones. But there is also something beautiful in doing whatever the fuck it is you want to do.

✌️

Oh and also a final thought- who gives a shit if I have white hair instead of gray? Don’t we all want to look like Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada anyway?!